His Perfect Timing

 

 

ba930fbe-b7a4-4b45-9f9f-cb6ccea2d9f6 - Copy

I don’t know why its taken me so long to write about this particular testimony, but I’m excited to finally be writing about it today. I want to tell the story of how God allowed me to find my long-lost little sister. I know, it probably sounds like one of those stories you hear on the news or something. But this is real life.. My life. There are still times when I can hardly believe it myself.

A long time ago, when I was about eight years old, I was told that I had a little sister in the most random way. I remember being at my aunt’s house when my father called and asked to speak to me. I answered the phone and we talked about how I was doing and what kind of trouble I was getting into at my aunt’s. Towards the end of our conversation, he mentioned that he needed to tell me something. It was that I had a little sister, and her name was Zaria. I remember him telling me that I would get to meet her soon. I had no idea what soon meant back then, but soon took FOREVER.

Back then, I was an only child and just ecstatic about being an older sister. I couldn’t believe it! I remember getting off of the phone and telling my cousins about it. But at some point the excitement died down, and I got distracted by other things like school and extra curricular activities. For years I had thoughts of Zaria just sitting in the back of my head. I always wondered what she looked like, what her favorite things to do were, and what she was doing in that exact moment that I was thinking of her. I wondered what it would be like when I was finally able to meet her.

I had always just accepted the fact that I would get to meet my little sister Zaria “when the time was right”. But eventually that did not continue to sit right with me. My thoughts about Zaria became really active in November 2015. Seemingly out of no where I was becoming overwhelmed with thoughts about her. I had a strong desire to find her. My long lost sister. I began asking anyone who might have known even a tiny bit of information about her and where she could be. I began with my immediate family. I spoke with my dad. I spoke with my aunt and uncle. Then I moved onto family friends. With the information I gathered, I was able to do some searching on the internet but didn’t come up with much of anything.

Frustrated, I was to ready give up. The next day though, I spoke to someone who had a mutual friend with Zaria’s mom. With some further digging I finally found Zaria’s page!!!!! I. Was. So. Exultant. You would’ve thought I won the lottery or something. Everything within me was telling me to add her on Facebook and start talking to her, but I had so many things to think about before I took that step. I needed to think about her mom, and how she might’ve felt if I reached out to Zaria without her knowledge. I needed to think about her, and if it would be best for her to know who I was right in that moment. And I needed to pray about it. I wanted to know which direction God wanted me to go in. So I waited. And I got some wise counseling from church mentors. I began to feel like the best option would be to reach out to her mom first. So I did.

Capture

I was on edge after I sent that. I knew that once I pressed that send button, the rest was in God’s hands. I was trying to remind myself that even if her response was not one that I wanted to receive, that it was for a reason that only time would tell. His plan is always perfect. His timing is always right.

After a few seemingly loooong days of my message not even having had a read receipt on it, I started to wonder if she even saw my message. I prayed some more and spoke to my mentors again, then decided to just write my sister directly. I had one of those “here goes nothing!” feelings. It was little less nerve-wracking to press send for a second time, but nerve-wracking nonetheless.

faea042b-ad01-4aff-a349-fc693a14f505

I think seeing the notification that my message was read and watching the typing bubble was move made me far more nervous than pressing the send button. But once the bubble disappeared, a paragraph popped up and I was so eager to read it that I started reading from the bottom up haha.

 

She was okay with it!!!! She said she had been waiting for the moment we would get to meet me too. She had always dreamed of having an older sibling and had a bunch of questions for me too. She said she would LOVE to get to know me better and maybe even meet me one day. My heart was melting as I read each of her heartfelt words. She ended her message by letting me know that her mom barely used Facebook, but she was happy with Zaria’s decision to accept me into her life. Real tears.What an emotional time. A milestone in our life. This moment didn’t mark a milestone in just our lives, though. It was time for me to introduce Zaria to our other sister, Sa’Mya.

When I connected my little sisters with one another,  and talked with Zaria more, I realized that she had JUST moved to the same exactly city as Sa’Mya. How amazing is that? Back when I was randomly thinking so heavily about Zaria, I thought God was showing me that it was time for me to reach out to her so that WE could build OUR relationship. While I still think that is partly true, I believe that this whole thing was more for my little sisters to build a relationship with one another. They were living less than 10 minutes from one another and had no idea. Next year they will be attending the same school. Can you imagine going to school with a sister you never met, and you had no clue?

 

Okay, fast forward five months: May 2016

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

In late May I finally had an opportunity to fly out to where my little sisters live. Zaria and Sa’Mya had already met in December, but this was my first time meeting Zaria. Before meeting her, I was having feelings of anxiety and disbelief. I could nottt believe I was going to be meeting my long lost little sister in person! Wow. It was hard to fight back tears when we finally met. She is so beautiful. I could see myself in her even before words were spoken.It was another emotional moment once I hugged my little sister for the first time. And then her mother and God mother. They stood there just in awe. Her God mother was teary eyed. I got to spend a whole day with my beautiful little sisters and we had so much fun playing in the pool, playing board games and getting ice cream. It was really interesting to see how similar our mannerisms are, especially since this was only my first time being around Zaria and my third being around Sa’Mya. I think one of the most eye-opening parts of the day I spent with them occurred when we all went to Sa’Mya’s house to say our goodbyes.

My sisters, all of our mothers and I all stood around talking about how much fun the Lawrence sisters had together, and how good God truly is for bringing us together. Both moms were expressing how grateful they were that I reached out their daughters to become a part of their lives.What really stood out to me while we all talked, though, was something Zaria’s mom said. She was explaining that Zaria had been asking for a Facebook for a long time, and she had always told Zaria that she did not need one. She finally gave in and let Zaria have one just weeks before I found her. I was in awe. If I had tried to find my sister a month prior to when I did, I wouldn’t have been successful at all. And truthfully, I probably would’ve gotten frustrated and given up. But you know what? God’s timing is ALWAYS right, so everything fell into place the exactly way it was supposed to.

Life Update

 

awesome-bed-book-comfort-Favim.com-1934963

Its been a month since I last posted. That’s so unlike me, considering how much I love to blog. I guess I just needed some time to clear my head.

Lately things have been chaotic to say the very least. My daily routines, my trust in someone I loved deeply, and my sanity were all completely wrecked in a matter of a few days. I was placed in a situation where I was betrayed by someone I loved.

The thing about betrayal is that it barely ever comes from a person we don’t care much about. Its usually brought about by someone that means a lot to us. Someone we trust and love. That’s what makes it so bad. To be violated and humiliated by a person you thought you knew well, by a person who seemed to value and care about you. Its such a painful thing to experience.

With just two weeks left until final exams, the events that took place were happening in such bad timing. It was finally the end of the semester, crunch time as some call it, and I couldn’t focus on much of anything. I was really trying to stay strong and ignore the way I was feeling until I was finished with the semester.

Down in the deepest parts of my heart lied some of the most pain i’d felt in a really long time. It was a heavy, thick pain that felt like it was just digging deeper and deeper. It almost felt like there were actual weights on my body. That pain combined with random rushes of anxiety was so overwhelming that I wasn’t able to get anything done. In class I would catch myself either dazing off into a world of daydreams or doodling about how I was feeling. I realized that the only benefit of me going to classes was getting my name checked off on an attendance list. I should’ve been panicking about not being able to focus in the most important classes of the semester, but I was in a state of total apathy. I felt numb towards everything. I cared but I didn’t at the same time. I was stoic. There I was in so much internal pain, but unable to express it. I felt completely removed from my own life.

I’m explaining all of this to be real with you guys about why I haven’t posted in a while. The whole point in me starting this blog was to share my personal life stories in hopes to help others who may be going through similar things. So here’s another part of the walk in my journey to peace. I haven’t quite figured out what blessings will come from my current struggles, but I know they will be better than I can even imagine.When you endure hardships, your blessing is waiting for you in the near future.

So. What have I learned in my processing of this situation so far?

I’ve learned that betrayal can say a lot about our personal beliefs. There are expectations necessary for something to be considered a betrayal. Betrayal happens when someone does not fulfill the expectations we had for them. When we stop expecting for people to do certain things, we will be less likely to feel betrayed when a person does something negative towards us. We are all humans that mess up and hurt one another from time to time.

I’ve learned that you can either react to pain by indulging in things of the world, or things of God. Worldly things lead to emptiness while Godly things lead to total satisfaction, happiness and redemption.. Which leads me to my next lesson learned.

God is redemptive. When we keep that in mind, we are able to have hope for the future. For every single thing I have lost, whether it was a friendship, a relationship, a huge heart break or a violation, God was waiting to restore all of it. The restoration for what has been taken in the past, is the peace that I have today. I know that this situation will be no exception.

Last but not least, I’m learning the truth in “this too shall pass”. At the core of any chaotic situation, things seem like they will never end. Its easy to feel like you will never get over something in the moment. But as time passes, that pain, that shock, and that discouragement eases up and it becomes easier to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

If you are in a state of chaos right now, I encourage you to pray this prayer with me:

Heavenly Father, I come to you right now as your broken child. Today I ask that you would cover me in your love and your grace. Lord, you know exactly what it is that has been heavily weighing on me lately, and I ask that you would remove it from me. I ask that you would lift the burden from my life and begin to heal me, and show me the ways that I can grow closer to you in the process. In your son, Christ’s name, Amen.